Difference Maker

God has really been challenging me lately, and the road has been a little bumpy, you could say. My soul desire is to make a difference, but that doesn't always come easy. It really requires a lot of endurance, patience, focus and attitude. I'll be honest...I don't really know how to do it just right. One thing I know about myself is I don't like to fail, but many times I feel as though I do. Sometimes you don't know all of the lives you may impact, but you just have to be faithful to continue to do what God has called you to do. Other times, God allows us glimpses of lives we have impacted, and I thank Him that He does that from time to time because it spurs me on to keep going. The truth of the matter is that God doesn't need us at all, but yet He entrusts to us different ministries, lives to influence and seeds to sow. It really overwhelms me that He would use us. You know...just USE us for His glory. We certainly don't deserve it.
Lately, I have been feeling like giving up. Probably those closest to me don't even know that I feel this way because I have gotten pretty good at masking it, or I can just move on and push it to the side in order to make it through. The truth of the matter, however, is that I feel my heart hurts alot. It hurts to see people saved. It hurts due to a lack of trust I have in people. It hurts when I feel like someone intentionally sets out to hurt me. It hurts to just follow God in obedience to all He's called me to do. Really, in a nutshell, life just hurts sometimes. I know that Satan is the chief author of lies, and lately, he's done a number on me. Ever heard things like, "You are good for nothing" or "You will never amount to anything" or "They will never accept you"? I hear this stuff and fall short when I believe it. God does not intend for a life with Him to harm us beyond what we can endure. What a promise that is! Maybe you needed to hear it today.
Back in the day when I was a Senior in High School we had to choose our Senior quote for the yearbook. I really struggled over what I wanted to leave as my "mark" for those following behind me. Apparently, at the time, this same thinking of feeling like a failure was surrounding me, and God led me to Psalm 73:26, which says, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (NIV)
Wow! Even today, those words ring out such promise and hope for me. I believe they are words that meet me in any season I may face. In this season I feel like I am in now, it really feels like it's lasted a while. I have tried too hard to mask the pain I feel over those that have hurt me in my life, and all the while I am hurting. I just don't feel good. "Why, God, does the pain continue to pierce?" I really don't understand it, but I do know this...when you try to be what people want you to be, it will never be enough. I know today, I can no longer try to be that people pleaser, but when you try to be what God want you to be, it will always be enough because, Ladies, He is enough! He is the "strength of my heart and my portion forever"!
Yesterday, in the depths of my despair, God sent an angel to encourage me. I want to thank Connie C. for her kind and encouraging words. You didn't know you were probably even encouraging me, but you did. Connie said that reading this blog was the highlight of her day! You may not think that means much, but to this heart that felt like anything my heart and flesh was a part of was failing, it meant everything to me. Thank you for your teachable heart, Connie - a heart that just wanted to soak up something for yourself, and yet you gave back in your encouragement to me. I hope as you read this that it is, once again, the highlight of your day, because today YOU can be encouraged to know God used you in my life!
For the rest of you reading this, be encouraged and lift one another up. One thing I know to be true...we just don't have a clue what is really going on in the lives of people closest to us, so lift up your Sisters in Christ today. Your prayer may be the Difference Maker in their day!