What a dart right between the eyes our new Bible study on Sunday nights has been. "No Other Gods" has been exposing some things to us - no, let me correct that - God's word has been exposing some stuff to us that I personally know has been stepping on my toes. Without fail, when we start a new Bible study I will get up and say something like this, "Beware...Satan doesn't want you to grow closer to God, and now that you are committing to Bible study, he wants to have a field day with you." When will I learn to wear that big, padded suit to protect me from the fiery darts he is throwing my way?! I am not so sure this time, though, is completely just Satan's attacks on me. He is definitely attacking from every angle, but the more I dig into God's word and see what it says for me about idols in my life, the more my layers are being peeled off to reveal some things I don't like about myself.
We discussed on Sunday night how the very idols we have in our life that we want to rid ourselves of are also the things that are our protection - our identity, if you will. For me... get ready, I'm about to be a little vulnerable (I don't like to be!) ... I struggle with a lot of fears in my relationships with others. There is a point in my life that I can go back to that I didn't have those fears, so I can go back those "safe" relationships today and feel perfectly ME, myself and I. There is a definite shift, however, without going into the sordid details, that all of that changed for me. What I despise is that it has taken much longer to weed myself out of the fears that negative relationships have played in my life. I've been hurt. My family has been hurt. The result, for me, has been a lack of trust even in this most blessed time in our lives. The season of hurt in my life started off like the very best times of my life - happy, joyful, "go get 'em," and safe! It turned to hurt and pain, and quite frankly made me negative and cynical. That is just not who I am, but it's a season I find myself getting stuck in a lot, unable to break the cycle. What do I do? We talked about it on Sunday night. We believe God! So, how do we do that? I am finding it is allowing Him to peel back those layers and say it's OK to be vulnerable, to be exposed. Satan feeds me lies all the time that those I think I feel safe with now will, too, hurt me, so don't give too much to them. I can say I have learned some lessons along the way, though. Sometimes you have to go through a season of hurt to learn who to trust and who to give yourself to. I know that for me, I try to surround myself with people that exude the love of God, and that is what drives them. I know that I've found myself in relationships of just wanting people to like me, so I would talk about others with them (gossip), group myself off with certain people while excluding others, and really just trust anyone that came along. Some time and being burned have shown me that you can't always be what everyone wants you to be, and yet it is the very fear associated with this that holds me at bay from completely believing God. In essence, I am believing Satan's lies instead! I just don't like that I do that, do you? For me, I have a hard time knowing that I teach my children to ask for forgiveness - not just saying sorry because there's a wide chasm between saying sorry and asking someone to forgive you - and yet those that hurt us, and even those that loved us and allowed others to hurt us, have never asked for forgiveness. It has made me a cynical person in many regards. I have had many that loved me through this, but I think sometimes even the ones that love you, just don't know what to do with you when you get all desperate and at your breaking point. Thankfully (I'm saying that as loudly as I can) we have our Father God to be the One who fills us. It is, once again, believing Him to do it and that is simply enough for us.
What lies are you believing, or better (worse) yet, what lies are you holding onto? Lies are destructive. It is not just the ones we tell, but lies can be secrets we keep for fear that our lives will change if it is exposed. It can tear us apart, a family apart, and most of all, our relationship with God can be fractured. I am holding onto some lies! I said it! I can't look past the lies to see that there are people who love me for me, that I won't be hurt, or that people will just stop going through "it" with me. Our lies become our idols, too. I feel sick writing this. I'm supposed to have it all together, right? The same could be said of you, too. So, let's make a deal. I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me! Pastor Jeff talked about walking through "it" with people, but as we do, we are pointing them the right direction, and that is UP! I was reminded today of this passage, "Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm; but how can one person alone keep warm? And if somebody overpowers one person, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
The deeper we dig into this study, the more uncomfortable we might be. I am feeling a new resolve coming on to just GO WITH IT! I need to see my Jesus without this clutter in my way, don't you? Press on, today, ladies. I may not always get to verbally tell you face to face, but know I love you dearly. I may have fear, but there's a truth I cannot waiver on, and it is the love that I have for you. Live in victory today.
